50 First Dates of COVID, Vol. 2
Date #1: Patient Zero
February 15, 2021: Week 1, Day 1
If you missed last week’s post and want to know what this is all about, please find Motivations & Methods here.
Date #1: Patient Zero
This 50 date journey started on February 15th with an innocent Monday lunch date with Robbie or ‘Patient Zero’ as I like to refer to him. It was President’s Day. There was a nip of cold in the air but the sun was shining. What could go wrong?
He drove up from the suburbs, which was considerate. (And a good reminder that I need to change my search radius on those dating apps.)
I only had to drive about 10 minutes and I admit that even on that short drive, I contemplated canceling because I had that feeling of dread in my stomach.
You know the feeling.
Where something is just not sitting right and you are going to have to do something about it. But I knew this first date was going to be the most difficult. It had been a while since I had been on a date and I was still a bit scarred from ghosts of exes past.
There is a balance between pushing yourself to do hard things (and in reality ‘getting lunch’, Stephanie, it’s not actually a hard thing-I find it helpful to talk to myself in 3rd person when I’m nervous) and having compassion for yourself because we are living through a global pandemic where anything goes right now (even last minute canceling). But I forged on knowing that I would not want someone to cancel on me within the hour.
We were both on time and I saw him, mask-on, waiting out front of the restaurant. Good sign. I gave a wave of acknowledgement as I walked up and he reached out his hand for a handshake as I approached. So I shook it.
Ugghhh. Why did he reach out and why did I shake his hand?!?
Old B.C. habits are hard to break. Sanitize immediately! (But on the down low, I don’t want him to be outright offended by breaking out that precious pandemic Purell right after skin-to-skin contact but I refuse to get COVID from a stranger. I’ve made it a year after all. No sense in getting it now, if I can try to sanitize it away.)
We went to Illegal Pete’s, a Mexican food chain similar to Chipotle but a new place for me so I was excited to try it. I got the carnitas burrito because that is my favorite option at Chipotle so I wanted to do a taste test comparison. Robbie ordered tacos. Solid choice.
Illegal Pete’s is known for their killer margaritas but I do have some tact for this Monday lunch date; however, part of me was tempted because that tequila might help ease the first date jitters. But I resisted.
We paid separately and sat on opposite ends of a table on their pseudo outdoor, but inside, covered deck and took off our masks. He was accommodating and asked where I wanted to sit. Admittedly, it was odd to be ‘un-masked’ and at the same table with someone unknown. Since it was a Monday the restaurant was not busy so I was comfortable enough with this.
For an entire year, I have only been un-masked with people I know and that was even a rare occurrence and it was typically outside with the breeze blowing. The date began on a good note with things being timely, payment expectations were clear, and he was thoughtful.
However, homeboy spoke the ENTIRE time. For 60 solid minutes.
Don’t get me wrong for the first 5-10 minutes, I tried to make it more of a back and forth conversation but then I gave up and let him dig his own hole. Plus I wanted to eat the burrito. (Spoiler alert - Illegal Pete’s carnitas are no match for Chipotle’s.)
Robbie asked me exactly 2 questions, so better than none, which I have experienced before with other men. Those two questions were what did I do? (i.e. for a living.) And if I had ever had a bad manager before? (Of course, who hasn’t?) I answered the questions and added a little detail but then he’d turn the conversation right around on him again.
I am no amateur so I was very grateful to have an oil change appointment lined up for afterwards so I could skedaddle right at the hour mark. I mentioned it to Robbie via text a couple days before we met up (and I really did have one) but I have never been so grateful to go get auto repairs & maintenance in my life.
Robbie messaged a few days later saying he had a great time and would like to meet up again.
Of course he had a “great time”, he talked about himself the entire time.
Prior to our meeting up I liked that he was not too clingy via text but the IRL conversation was way too one-sided. He must have been nervous. Dates are nerve-wracking, I hear ya. I almost cancelled for no reason whatsoever.
Robbie may have been chatty but he was kind. Although we did not seem to be on the same page. He recently moved back home to Denver from Seattle to be with his parents. Like many people, myself included, he lost his job due to COVID and I feel for him.
I don’t know why some men, well people in general, think that silence in a conversation is a bad thing. One can learn quite a bit in those moments.
On a date, those Chatty Cathy’s are probably trying to impress others but you are actually making things worse. Please have the wherewithal to ask the other person about themselves. Take an interest! My little lady said she wanted more of a partnership so I thanked him for driving up from the suburbs but I did not see this going any further.
I mentioned my Little Lady.
Some people call it your gut, intuition, or 6th sense but she gets a heavy weighting on my spreadsheet. Because, as I have mentioned, I am methodical and purposeful so I track each and every date on a spreadsheet with the headings of:
Who; so who it was with,
Count; or what number date I am on,
Source; as a former recruiter I know the importance of knowing where you are getting your people.
Some are more intuitive, like:
Date; as in the actual date,
Where; location,
What; what we did.
And, here are the money sections;
Notes; or my musings/observations,
Little Lady says; you gotta listen to what that little lady says,
Next steps, and
Learnings.
Again, I like to think it’s methodical and purposeful, some might say it’s nuts. Please see example below:
Many thanks to Patient Zero, or Robbie, for his sacrifice of being the first one to unknowingly participate in this social experiment. Side note, I feel somewhat guilty about this but I do know that if my Little Lady & I were feeling it then I would have continued to date him. He did not do anything wrong nor outrageous; he just is not the person for me.
And that is okay.
Despite the temptation, I did not cancel and am proud of myself for going through with this first (of fifty) first dates. I did not ghost and was honest with the follow up. It can only go uphill from here, right? Well, we’ll see about that...
Next week read about “The Case of the Missing Boxcar Children”!